There is a particular kind of tiredness that comes from trying to be strong by yourself. For a long stretch of my life I believed perseverance meant gritting my teeth, keeping my head down, and never asking anyone to hold the other end of the rope. Recently, a surprisingly simple habit began to change that view. My friends and I started spending a few evenings a week inside a multiplayer party game app on our phones, and I was startled by how much it helped me keep showing up for the hard things.
Why I Almost Didn’t Download Anything
I am not a gamer. I never was. When a friend suggested we all install something new, my first reaction was mild dread. I had enough on my plate: a job that demanded more than it gave back, a health scare that had turned into months of appointments, and a general feeling that every hour needed to be justified. Adding another app felt like adding another chore.
But I was also lonely in a way I had not admitted. We had drifted apart the way adults do, through group chats that went silent and plans that kept getting moved to next month. So I said yes, mostly to be polite, and I expected to delete the thing within a week.
The Surprise of Being Included
What struck me first was how quickly everyone ended up in the same room, even though we were scattered across different cities and time zones. The game is built for groups, and it is designed so that people with very different levels of confidence can participate. My least competitive friend ended up winning a round by accident and then laughing harder than anyone. Watching her light up reminded me that encouragement does not have to be a speech. Sometimes it is just someone noticing you are still in the game.
There is real value in that kind of low-stakes contact when you are going through something difficult. Support from friends often gets described in grand terms, like deep conversations or emergency phone calls. But most of what keeps us afloat is smaller: a message that says “you’re up next,” a reaction to a silly answer, a reason to check the phone at eight o’clock on a Tuesday and feel wanted.
Perseverance Is Often a Routine, Not a Moment
We tend to imagine perseverance as a dramatic decision, the single moment when someone refuses to quit. In my experience it is far more often a series of ordinary returns. You get back up after a bad appointment. You answer the message you have been avoiding. You join the evening session even though you would rather sleep.
Shared games work because they build that return into your week without requiring a big emotional effort. Here is what our routine looked like, and why it helped:
- We picked a fixed night, so the habit did not depend on anyone’s mood.
- We kept sessions short, which made it easy to say yes even on heavy days.
- We rotated who chose the next game, so nobody felt like the designated planner.
- We did not keep score in our hearts, even when the scoreboard said otherwise.
None of these choices are complicated. Together they created a small, dependable place to land. When the rest of my week felt unpredictable, that one evening stayed the same.
Finding a Balance Between Fun and Pressure
I want to be honest that not every session felt good. Some nights I was distracted, or irritable, or I lost badly and felt silly about caring. Perseverance includes the uncomfortable moments too. Learning to show up when you are not at your best is exactly the skill that matters.
What helped was agreeing, as a group, that the point was connection rather than victory. When someone was having a rough week, we let them sit out a round without comment. When someone needed a win, we did not hold back in a way that felt patronizing. Those small adjustments made the games feel like a safe place to be imperfect.
Ways to Bring This Idea Into Your Own Life
You do not need to download any particular app to try this. The underlying principles are what matter. If you are working through a hard season and feel isolated, consider building a recurring, low-pressure contact into your week. Here are a few practical steps that worked for me:
- Choose one standing time each week and protect it, even if it is only thirty minutes.
- Invite people who are supportive but not overwhelming, and let the first gathering be easy.
- Tell a trusted friend what you are going through, even in one sentence, so they know why you might be quiet.
- Notice when you feel better after an activity, and make a note so you can remember it on harder days.
- Give yourself permission to step back without explaining every detail.
If Your Group Is Looking for Something to Try
If you are looking for a starting point, it can help to explore what what TryDumb offers for groups who want to play together before deciding whether it fits your crowd. Read the basics, think about who in your life would enjoy a playful challenge, and consider whether a shared activity would give you the same sense of belonging it gave me.
What I Am Still Learning
I have not become a gamer, and I do not think a phone game fixed anything in my life. The health situation is still being managed. Work still asks more than I would like. What changed is that I no longer feel like I am carrying everything alone. A recurring evening of laughter with people I care about has become a small anchor, and anchors matter when the water is rough.
Perseverance, I have come to believe, is less about enduring in silence and more about staying connected to the things that make the effort worth it. For me, that now includes a ridiculous game, a group chat that wakes up again, and friends who keep saying, “Your turn.”
A Gentle Challenge
If you are in a season where everything feels like too much, try this experiment. Pick one person and one night. Ask them to play something simple with you, and do not worry about being good at it. Afterward, notice how you feel compared to how you felt before. You may find, as I did, that the strength you need is not only inside you. Sometimes it arrives by text, shows up on time, and asks you to take the next turn.
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